a neglected house

ahhhh…to be in love….

Every thing else gets neglected. I have spent a week with S. and her cousin and her hubby. Doing the maine thing which I will post pics of soon. I don’t like flickr as it doesn’t link to wpress though havent found another.

so I get home to a mailbox full of mail, a bounced check, plants in need of water, rotting banannas on my counter, 26 phone messages, a dirty bathroom, a blinking clock, the power went out…AND the tennants have a new dog! WHEW. I am a bit overwhelmed. I guess being in this place doesn’t give me licence to neglect myself and my responsibilities…although there doesn’t seem an end in sight. I really enjoy her and spending time together but right now I am feeling in need of some “me” time. Being with her family and her friends, has been a bit taxing on my introverted self!

I am headed to Boston for the weekend, my sister is doing a tri-athalon, and we are making a weekend of it. Monday and Tuesday I have a conference on dropout prevention. Which I am grateful for to get my head a bit back into the work thing. W-F I am headed out camping with S up in the north woods on Frost Pond! I will be a much needed respite from all of this craziness.

ode to the 80’s…

So, we are out to dinner and on the way back in the car driving the long way home. All the sudden this song comes on the radio. I enjoyed it in the car, and was really into it, but then when I went to post I got struck with how funny it all is…the song…the 80’s…the video…i’ve found the key to open any door…hope you enjoy.

a month

One month since our first date. A nerve wracked night of fun and anxiety and not much food eaten.

These are the beautiful flowers she sent me. And she surprised me with a date at the place we first met and had dinner at. I guessed on the way there…

Glorius!

another glorious day

Another Glorious day! Today is sunny, hot and with a light breeze. I sat in the sun reading my book group book, not realizing how hot and sunny. I am a little pink! Just so Relaxing, I am so mellow. I don’t think I have ever been this relaxed in my life! I am not thinking about work at all till next week. I have an amazing weekend planned. AND have been connecting with some new and old friends.

This is what content feels like!

my happy place…

Today, I spent on my own. Lounging, sleeping, putting off chores, reading. It was a great great day. I was definitely in my element. Taking in nature. Enjoying beauty.

cookout…

Went to have a cookout, and this is filled with a wasps nest.

NOT good.

I guess that tells you when I have grilled last!

the wasps nest is inside...

my guide…

(working on this post in general and then went over to ss to check this weeks prompt out…simply serendipitious)

Started it the day before fathers day…

On the bus. Traveling to a city to get my car…The water is beautiful, people are out and about on boats and the sun reflects the beauty that I find in my mind. Enchanting, sparkling, effervescent.

I love this city. I am comforted by the hustle and bustle of it. By the things that are going on. By the sense of community. The sun is hot. I am relaxing.
I don’t understand that whole pants halfway down your ass thing….what is that? This guy just got out of his car legs spread in that funny way to hold them up from falling down. Like he was bowlegged or something…left the door of the bus station and in a matter of 20-25 feet adjusted his pants in some way three times. AND then pulled them up as he was getting into his car. They were of course stylish and his car was Mercedes….ahhhh the pains it takes to keep up with fashion. I don’t even think They don’t even look good like that….

People coming and going seeking people off, getting on the bus/train themselves. It is a most gorgeous day, have I said that already? In my mind’s eye, I see someone that I am totally and completely attracted to. Someone that I find mesmerizing. Someone that I find intriguing, and curious and compassionate, logical and yin to my yang.

As I sit, people come and go and come and go. I think about my life and what it is right now. I am not in college, I do not have a family of my own and don’t have kids. I feel like that in between stage of ODDity.

I want…

I want fun and life and love and commitment.
I want a family, and children running around…
I want it all.
I want it ALL.

I want to ride my bike to work. I want to take the bus shopping I want to live that way for a little while before I settle down in a small town. I want to fly and spread my wings. I see her as supporting me in that….and also I am not sure that she is ready for that. I am perceptive, she is perceptive. I have to be honest with myself. I have to like the whole package. I wonder about her level of comfort with who she is is anyone ever truly comfortable with who they are? And I wonder about her understanding of herself.

Don’t rush…

Just one step at a time.

I am determined to not go into lesbian warp speed….and just enjoy.

I have to do what is right for me in this. The only way that I can do that is being friends first. Am I being unreasonable? I am here at this present moment for a reason. I see, the city and I am comforted. I drove over the water, and I was in my element. The sun shining on the water and the beauty of it all. I wish I could see the water from here. The glistening of the sun. Just what I needed. Relief, big sigh of relief. I am exactly where I need to be.
I am not sure of much but I am growing more and more sure of myself. I am right here right now. Cars going by sitting trees blowing. Grass prickling my ankles. Waiting for a ride…waiting for my dad. Fathers day tomorrow! The sound of the leaves is like paper muted….rustling….rustling skirts a wedding dress crunching along a stone walkway. Flowing to the ground. The breeze is on my face. Blowing my hair. The smell is like cedar as I am sitting near mulch. My senses are full of the earth, sky, sun and moment.

The sun is hot and warms my body and soul. I worry that ants will crawl up my pants but….have to let go of that. The sun is hot on my skin and I love it. I am content in this moment right now Nerves have subsided abut all of theithings I need to get done….although my house is a mess and I have to clean it. It will come. I will get it done. Maybe with help…maybe with the spunkyones help.

It is the most beautiful day possible. The clouds look like a water color brush just dipped its tip in water and white paint and spread it across the sky. They are light and airy. They are thinn and whispy. And like stretched cotton candy. The daylillies are up and surround me. Cab’s come and go. Come and go.

Ants are crawling on me….have to get up.

So, my guide what is my guide?

My gut!

last post…June 21

Well, that is pathetic, that june 21 was my last post.

I have so much to talk about and share, I don’t even know where to start!

…first kiss…

The first kiss…

We drive to a spot I know by the ocean
It is gloomy and threatening rain

we are happy to be around one another
I feel her kindness towards me

we walk out by the water
and find a spot near the treeline, on the sand

I have forgotten the blanket, and lay my
coat down for us to sit on
we sit under a large and overhanging tree.
the rain starts, and slowly rolls in
it gets harder and harder..
pattering rain on the leaves, is a nice sound
we stay dry under the tree
and eat lunch sitting close on my coat

she leans back, puts her hand on the ground
and is leaning towards me
I am leaning up eating my sandwich
I feel her close
I turn, and want the moment to last
and savor every minute of it.

I lean into her, and melt
her lips are soft and tender
I have butterflies everywhere, fluttering
in my body and around my head

I can’t hear anything but the blood rushing
making me dizzy and lightheaded with giddiness…

she swaggers….

Yes, she swaggers. I think I am smitten. And if I let myself I could really fall for her. I am in free fall, and feeling a little out of control. I want to be able to give myself to her, and I am not sure if I am ready to do that…I guess, this is what it is about. The figuring out.